Abs Writes A Lot

My name's Abs… and I write a lot.

Swallowing my pride

on November 17, 2015

As most of you know, I quit my job as a newspaper editor on Oct. 13. I thought, for some unknown reason, that I could find a better job with the quickness and if not, I could make a living with the freelance proofreading/editing I was doing. Now a month and four days later … not so much.

Not only has my freelance work pretty much dried up, I’ve only done two interviews (out of the 33 jobs I’ve applied for over the past month). One of those, I did not get; the other, I would’ve had to pay start-up/training costs that I could not afford. As it stands right now, I have $0 in the bank, maybe a dollar worth of quarters in my wallet, and a ton of overdue bills. And as it stands right now, I’m doing my best not to freak out.

Luckily, I have my twin sister/roommate/BFF to help out. She paid the rent and got a few groceries with her part-time paycheck, but we have no clue how we will pay for the car payment and insurance, cell bill (which is astronomical… thanks, AT&T), electricity, water/sewer/garbage, cable, Internet, and so on. There’s also the fact that Adeline is in the local theatre’s production of “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever,” which starts Dec. 10. Will we even be able to afford tickets? :-\ I don’t know right now.

I’m really feeling like I made a huge mistake by quitting, but they won’t take me back now, and truthfully, I don’t want to go back. I had all these fantasies of finding some kick-ass job and the newspaper would be regretting that they didn’t fight to keep me. Of course, that would mean they actually appreciated all my hard work as an employee, which they did not.

So, after a month of applying for jobs that deal with my degree and getting exactly zero job offers, I swallowed my pride today and applied for a job in retail. It feels kind of like an insult, given that I have nearly 20 years of journalism experience, but hey, no one is hiring me, and we need more income, plain and simple.

I also just applied for Medicaid and food stamps. Don’t know if I will be approved for either. My unemployment claim sits in Raleigh with an “issue” that is keeping me from getting any payments.

My point in writing this is not for pity or charity, but because I want others to see how easily and quickly things can go wrong. All I know to do is keep praying that someone will hire me, or that my books will suddenly become bestsellers or I’ll win the lottery (though I can’t really afford lottery tickets!) or something that will make things more bearable.

I spend most of my days worrying and that is no way to live, but it’s me, unfortunately. Depression keeps telling me this will never end, that we’re going to end up moving back in with our parents, who can’t really afford to help us either. I’m trying to keep my hopeful side alive, but so far, that’s proving to be a major challenge.

I just want to be able to make enough money to live on and be able to one day pay off the massive debts I owe. I wish that didn’t feel like so much to ask. Most days, I feel like I’m drowning and suffocating in worry and debt.

If you pray, please pray for me and my little family. If not, send positive vibes. I need all the help I can get!!!


2 responses to “Swallowing my pride

  1. Heather says:

    Prayers for you Abby. Xoxo hang in there.

  2. Positive vibes coming straight to you, Amy & Adeline!! Much love. I hate that our lives are so controlled by money and most often, the lack thereof. Thinking of you guys!

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