I think it’s no secret that 2016 has been a sucky year. Not only has it taken some of the most iconic, legendary performers of my lifetime (Carrie Fisher, Prince, David Bowie, George Michael, Alan Rickman, Debbie Reynolds, the list unfortunately goes on and on…), it’s also been a devastating year in my personal life.
It started on Jan. 2, when my mom was rushed to the hospital with heart problems, which just happened again right before Christmas. That very same day, my boyfriend of more than a year (who I thought I was going to marry) dumped me. Over Facebook Messenger. Then, he blocked me, and all my friends and family so he wouldn’t have to face all the people who wanted to kick his ass for hurting me. At the same time, all of our bills were behind and we were facing the thought of having to move in with our parents. I felt like I had failed at everything–I had no job, my car was in danger of being repossessed, we were losing our beautiful home, and now I had no boyfriend and my mom’s health was in danger. So I had a breakdown of sorts. After a week in the hospital, I was much better, but it took that to bring me back from the brink. I was pretty far gone.
2016 continued to suck a lot after that. But no one wants to read about that, do they? You’ve all had your own suckiness to overcome this year. I have been living with my parents again since March 2016, and good lord, that has been trying. We’re still here, and trying our best to save up for our own place. Kind of difficult with a retail job, but I’m trying to stay positive.
A lot of good things happened in 2016, too. One major thing: I gave my heart to Jesus in the middle of Hurricane Matthew. I was sick and tired of the depression and anxiety running my life, and I decided to (try to) give control to a more reliable power. That giving up control has definitely been the biggest hurdle for me to overcome. Now, don’t think for a second that I’ve become some holier-than-thou “Christian.” I am still me. I swear on occasion, though admittedly not as much. I am still pro-choice, pro-LGBT rights, pro-women’s rights and anti-Republican right wing “conservatives.” It IS possible!! That was the thing that had been holding me back from going to church and being closer to God. The world wants you to think you have to believe certain things to truly be a Christian. You don’t. I’ve heard some “Christians” say they’re celebrating Hanukkah this year, “because that’s what Jesus would do.”
Hmmm. I guess Jesus would also discriminate against LGBT people, and call women who need abortions murderers. I think we all know, deep down, Jesus would not do those things, but it’s OK when you’re a conservative “Christian”! Jesus would also leave the poor to fend for themselves, and never enact any programs to help them. NOT. But that’s a whole ‘nother blog topic.
My reasons for writing this are not to complain about 2016, but to look forward to 2017. I have to believe this will be the year when the good things finally start happening. I know God has a plan for me, and with all the trials I’ve been through this year, I’m hoping his plan includes a lucrative book deal and a new house. 😉 Those are my goals. I’m back out in the querying world, which isn’t fun, but I truly believe what I have written in 2016 is my best work ever, and if agents/editors don’t jump on board, well … it’s their loss. There has to be someone out there, and I’m working on my positivity and confidence. If the “traditional” route doesn’t work, I’m going to have to self-publish and learn how to promote myself and my work, which is another of my biggest challenges.
So, stay tuned to this blog. Another of my goals is to build my presence in the writing community. I need to write more blogs, keep myself out there and hope for the best.
As I write this, “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten comes on. It shall be my theme song for 2017. I am fighting for me, for God, for what’s right in this world. Join me in the positivity….
“Like a small boat on the ocean, sending big waves into motion, like how a single word can make a heart open …. I might only have one match, but I can make an explosion.”